Sometimes we end up on a date where it’s clear there is no match. Still, it stings a bit, and this can work both ways. On one hand, I’ve heard from female members wondering why, once they have accepted a date, there is no follow through on having the date; on the other I’ve heard from generous male members, who took a girl on a date, paid her and then she never called him back.
Sometimes it’s hard to see that members of WhatsYourPrice.com are all part of the same community. As part of the same group, this adds another level to the concept of sportsmanship and support. From this view, yes, we’d like to win by having the ultimate date, but we can also learn from our shared experiences and mistakes, and finally, become better at what it takes to play the game.
Specifically, when I try something new I love to proclaim virgin territory. One of the most admirable attributes is to know when you are out of your league and engage the help, expertise and experience of someone more knowledgeable. To that end, I’ve asked members if they will share their experiences with me of past dates, the financial exchange, as well as if they have had an arrangement, how it started, developed and ended.
In the case of a member whose date took payment for the date and never returned his calls, he knew from the start it was not a match. However, he could have taken the opportunity of having her complete attention by asking for her advice on dating etiquette, style and other factors in dating. Yes, asking someone what changes you may need to make to date at a higher league does involve swallowing some pride, but a friendship might have been forged where his calls were returned and some tips learned for future dating. My best dates have been with men who learned from the women they dated; manners, style and skills. As in sales, it takes attention and practice with a focus on winning tactics.
Yet there remain some misconceptions about WhatsYourPrice.com and what is acceptable behavior.
A member recently wrote in saying that she had accepted a date, and after emailing with the member a couple of times, met him for coffee. When he realized that he was not going to get sex on the first date, he walked her to her car in a ‘gentlemanly way’ and refused to pay her for the date. It’s clear that this can be considered a breach of the agreement as sex for the first date was never considered. I would give him another opportunity to pay and uphold his agreement by contacting him via email, but I would do it with tact and as much class as can be mustered.
This is not the first complaint where some men have failed to uphold their side of the agreement by either failing to pay at all or by trying to renegotiate a token amount instead. Unfortunately, once the date is over it’s a bit hard to collect. This brings forth the idea of getting payment upfront either via Paypal, or by setting up a romantic or funny event through a site like Eventbrite where you can involve graphics. The point is that going on first dates isn’t free, and there is a cost associated with going on a date for a woman in particular. Depending on where you live, there can be gas, babysitting, bridge toll, parking and finally clothing and makeup, let alone all the time to get ready. What is the opportunity cost of the date? Fortunately, there are ways to report these disappointing experiences on the site, either by “reporting the user” or by submitting a “Testimonial” about the experience. Be sure to include the user’s username so we can try to prevent others from repeating the same experiences.
On the other hand, many generous members are expressing frustration at women who don’t respond or arrange for the date after accepting the offer. Men seem to be expecting women to make the first move. I find this to be out of alignment with innate male/female roles. I still liked to be approached once the date was unlocked. It comes from the age-old assumption that when women open the door with their eyes, or a gesture it allows a man to approach them for courting. The same is true here, she has opened the door you knocked on, now tell her what you’d like to do. Be courteous, charming, funny, but be a little action oriented – suggest a date and time, and plan a date without having to ask her “what would you like to do”.
One more thing for all members to remember: Please read the profiles of the members before you accept a date. Are they married or single? What type of situation are they looking for? Where do they live? This will tell you a lot about the expectations and what may need clarification in the first email if you accept a date. If you have not read the profile, its hard to blame others for your disappointments!
Can anyone share an experience where you made the best of a losing proposition and ended up with a friend or better?
How about some basic dating tips from men and women where you went from dork to debonair?