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Loading ...Sometimes we end up on a date where it’s clear there is no match. Still, it stings a bit, and this can work both ways. On one hand, I’ve heard from female members wondering why, once they have accepted a date, there is no follow through on having the date; on the other I’ve heard from generous male members, who took a girl on a date, paid her and then she never called him back.
Sometimes it’s hard to see that members of WhatsYourPrice.com are all part of the same community. As part of the same group, this adds another level to the concept of sportsmanship and support. From this view, yes, we’d like to win by having the ultimate date, but we can also learn from our shared experiences and mistakes, and finally, become better at what it takes to play the game.
Specifically, when I try something new I love to proclaim virgin territory. One of the most admirable attributes is to know when you are out of your league and engage the help, expertise and experience of someone more knowledgeable. To that end, I’ve asked members if they will share their experiences with me of past dates, the financial exchange, as well as if they have had an arrangement, how it started, developed and ended.
In the case of a member whose date took payment for the date and never returned his calls, he knew from the start it was not a match. However, he could have taken the opportunity of having her complete attention by asking for her advice on dating etiquette, style and other factors in dating. Yes, asking someone what changes you may need to make to date at a higher league does involve swallowing some pride, but a friendship might have been forged where his calls were returned and some tips learned for future dating. My best dates have been with men who learned from the women they dated; manners, style and skills. As in sales, it takes attention and practice with a focus on winning tactics.
Yet there remain some misconceptions about WhatsYourPrice.com and what is acceptable behavior.
A member recently wrote in saying that she had accepted a date, and after emailing with the member a couple of times, met him for coffee. When he realized that he was not going to get sex on the first date, he walked her to her car in a ‘gentlemanly way’ and refused to pay her for the date. It’s clear that this can be considered a breach of the agreement as sex for the first date was never considered. I would give him another opportunity to pay and uphold his agreement by contacting him via email, but I would do it with tact and as much class as can be mustered.
This is not the first complaint where some men have failed to uphold their side of the agreement by either failing to pay at all or by trying to renegotiate a token amount instead. Unfortunately, once the date is over it’s a bit hard to collect. This brings forth the idea of getting payment upfront either via Paypal, or by setting up a romantic or funny event through a site like Eventbrite where you can involve graphics. The point is that going on first dates isn’t free, and there is a cost associated with going on a date for a woman in particular. Depending on where you live, there can be gas, babysitting, bridge toll, parking and finally clothing and makeup, let alone all the time to get ready. What is the opportunity cost of the date? Fortunately, there are ways to report these disappointing experiences on the site, either by “reporting the user” or by submitting a “Testimonial” about the experience. Be sure to include the user’s username so we can try to prevent others from repeating the same experiences.
On the other hand, many generous members are expressing frustration at women who don’t respond or arrange for the date after accepting the offer. Men seem to be expecting women to make the first move. I find this to be out of alignment with innate male/female roles. I still liked to be approached once the date was unlocked. It comes from the age-old assumption that when women open the door with their eyes, or a gesture it allows a man to approach them for courting. The same is true here, she has opened the door you knocked on, now tell her what you’d like to do. Be courteous, charming, funny, but be a little action oriented – suggest a date and time, and plan a date without having to ask her “what would you like to do”.
One more thing for all members to remember: Please read the profiles of the members before you accept a date. Are they married or single? What type of situation are they looking for? Where do they live? This will tell you a lot about the expectations and what may need clarification in the first email if you accept a date. If you have not read the profile, its hard to blame others for your disappointments!
Can anyone share an experience where you made the best of a losing proposition and ended up with a friend or better?
How about some basic dating tips from men and women where you went from dork to debonair?
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This topic is hugely complex for someone like me who has not dated much in his life and is now in his 40′s. It’s almost impossible to decipher expectations if you don’t really know if the woman is there only for the money, which is fine with me, I need the practice, or really wants you to go all out on her like it’s the real thing. Advice like this is really needed. Thanks.
These are all really great questions, I’m going to approach them in a blog entry again. People really do need to learn how to treat each other. It is surprising, but many people have not been taught the basic rules of etiquette, and much of it seems to come from a perception that the world has changed and you don’t need to do certain things any more. Ironic that we are in such a ‘transparent’ society in terms off accessing information, yet deception continues to haunt us. Yet a personal touch, consideration and a few new behaviors that can turn into positive habits would help!
I think its important in the first email to ask them what their expectations are for setting up the date if it isn’t already said in their profile. If they only want a sd/sb relationship or if they’re also looking for something more. Personally I think alot of the girls on here are just looking for the money or thats mostly what I’ve gathered from the few girls i’ve talked to so far. I’m alright paying for a first date and stuff but if your starting out with knowing your never going to hear from them after that night it kind of takes the fun out of the date.
How do you know the girls are here just for the money? Do they actually tell you that?
I find that most men on this site are lacking in how to treat a lady and that is why you do not hear frpm them again. One guy texted the whole dinner date and wore sloppy clothing plus ate and drank from my drink straw and wanted to tell me about his threesome in college. Next!
Sadly I agree. One guy stated in his profile that he will treat the woman like a goddess yet decides to tell me that the last date came over made out with him and played with his non functioning member. He also stated he can’t leave his bed because of his 500+lbs obesity issues yet has “a few extra lbs” in his profile description. Glad I passed on this winner.
Hmm up next was the guy that was ok with dinner and a movie. He decides to push his phone number in the first message and kept asking me to text him to confirm the date. Not only did I message him back right away (on the site) but I even took the time to put in theaters and show times. He cancels less then 6hrs after that message due to an unforeseen business trip. He again asks to text to see if he can meet me after he returns on the same day, meanwhile he’s actually already supposed to be in the air. Whoops! If you’re going to lie, at least remember what day you lied about. After declining this (squeeze you in) option I suggest to have our date when he returns and is fully rested after a plane trip. Since all of the pushing for my number to text or to call didn’t work he ends with the famous: ” how about you come over now” ( before the trip that he’s supposed to already be on) Right because instead of taking me out respectfully on a date you want me to come over instead? Does that actually work on women? Or did I miss that memo? Next!
Can’t these guys just take their show to backpage or something?
I generally organise a date which is very casual, such as coffee and ckae for the first meeting. This tends to be less formal and therefore helps both people to feel more at ease. It is important at the first date to get an understanding of one anothers expectations.
All in all, I’ve had a fairly positive experience on here so far.
I get the last min biz trip excuse also with a work comes first also. I think that is soooo rudevto say a job is number one and i am way down the priority list.
Well to me it’s not an issue since that same job is what is allowing this member to pay for the date. Generally it’s not work at all because if you were a free date he would have all the time in the world. The issue is typically thinking about what he’s paying for and if he can expect more from the date. If not then he may try sounding busy.
Um, these are really bad guys. I’ve had two excellent dates so far. These kinds of guys make it bad for everyone.
Tyler, great suggestion. It cuts out the ambiguity, which can be torturous. I’ll use it on all my next dates.
“When he realized that he was not going to get sex on the first date, he walked her to her car in a ‘gentlemanly way’ and refused to pay her for the date. It’s clear that this can be considered a breach of the agreement as sex for the first date was never considered. I would give him another opportunity to pay and uphold his agreement by contacting him via email, but I would do it with tact and as much class as can be mustered.”
RUN! DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM A GUY LIKE THIS. THIS IS REALLY POOR ADVICE.
You seriously cannot tell young women from here to give this guy another chance! That is very dangerous. I would not give this person my address to even mail me the money. I am a personal security consultant for many years and this advice should absolutely not be followed. If the man does not pay you he is not a gentleman why take a chance that he is playing one of the oldest predatory date rape games in the book?
I can’t tell you how many times women have told me some guy lied, ripped them off or flaked on them but that they would make it up to them later only to be physically hurt later. Why would you go back and meet with someone who thought it was okay to rip you off in the first place? Then you find yourself in the position of putting yourself deeper in emotional debt when he doesn’t come through again. If the man has not paid, he probably has some mental issues and it’s not the woman’s responsibility to go after it again and put herself in harm’s way! Next thing you know he will be asking you to come over and pick up the money or lie and offer more money if she is just patient and comes to his house or his car and now the woman has felt she has come this far and this long why not hang in there to make more money. Do you realize how common this trick is used before a woman is raped or killed? This is a predators way of testing a woman to see if she is gullible and can be easily taken advantage of.
I don’t think the suggestion is for her to GO BACK or GO OUT on a date again. I think giving the man a chance to pay up is very different than what you think Zorah is suggesting.
I would like to hear from Zorah on this topic. I’m not the paranoid type, but I agree with what Blue is saying. Why would the man suddenly pay up if the date is already in the past? I think it’s better for the woman in this instance to cut her losses and not risk safety or even time, for that matter.
Damn you girl really got some issues! I can imagine your type in my head right now! Thin squeezed eyebrows, With a big bend , Usually pitch black hair with a little tease a little rusty voice, You can be found at a bar talking to women and as soon as they tell u a story with a tiny bit of negative in it (yes shit happens so what) you always have this SCARRY example or “what might happen” story to follow it up with. SOmething out of FUTURAMA for Killers.
You need to chill a bit. For your own sake your fears are banging against the roof and you can not live like that hunny. Whatever it is that has triggered them, please let them go. Very bad things happen but so so so rare that if you fear them so much you will end up your entire life being paranoid, scared and not LIViNG YOUR LIFE!
Dont miss out . Fear is your ONLY enemy.
Live on
Not sure if you meant that for me, but after 20 yrs of listening to women complain about men doing that to them over and over you get a feeling that men who don’t pay, have other issues that turn ugly very quickly and it’s quite common.
I’m a security consultant to the military so I don’t think I’m afraid of anything because I have to risk my life quite often, so I’m not sure why you think I live in fear??? LOL Actually it’s quite amusing.
Agreed. Even implied in another form, I would immediately cut my losses the guy is looking for something I DO NOT offer.
If the guy failed to pay 50% at the beginning of the date with me, I would feel that it’s necessary for me to leave because you’re not holding up to your end of the bargain and that means you’re being dishonest.
Exactly.
Here’s my advice. Get your money upfront before you sit down especially if you have any hesitations about him. Be kind and courteous and ask if we could please get that out of the way first, and say you have had problems in the past and you just want to avoid any problems later and relax and enjoy his company.
Stay with him in an area where you are safe, well lit and people are around, but it’s not too crowded at all times. Unless you are trained in protection or are much bigger and stronger I wouldn’t chance it until you know him better.
If he says no to the money up front than apologize and say that you are not comfortable with the situation and offer to leave. He may change his mind and if not than you probably were not going to get it anyways, either because he didn’t trust you, or he did not intend to pay anyways.
If you ever find yourself in a position that you have had the date and he still does not want to pay you, or maybe like some women they will settle for half now, half later. (Personally I find that is not the guy I want to be spending my time with anyways) but he refuses to pay you, than don’t force the issue. I would not even try to get a guy like that angry. Just report him and stay away he’s not worth the trouble or the risk of getting him angry.
I like your second comment and agree with you in terms of terminating right away when it’s obvious you are dealing with the unexpected.. However, when I say give him another opportunity to pay, I’m referring to it in the strictest sense of a business agreement. There are ways you can make it easy for him by letting him do it on the internet to your paypal account or otherwise. This is simple and you don’t need to see him again. When you don’t keep agreements there are consequences. One of them being the Brandon effect-ha.
I have traveled all over the world and been on many dates, many strange experiences and situations. I consider myself to be extremely fortunate (I did hitchhike through Tahiti, New Zealand, Australia and Europe). In dating experiences, as soon as I guy tries to maneuver a single date in a remote or private place, the hair on the back of my neck rises and the impulse is to run!
I tried to stay at my peak of awareness at all times. I’m wondering if there was any little inkling, in after thought, that might have foreshadowed this experience? Any tips in hindsight that could help others before this happens?
I never heard any aggressive tones from your experience. Did you sense any? Or was it just the unexpected insult?
Then, some folks are just plain cads, so lets call a spade a spade!
Paypal is fine if you don’t mind them having your last name or a fake account name. Personally that’s not my cup of tea. If they have my last name it’s because they paid me already and are of good enough character.
I’m not sure what you are asking about aggressive tones or insults from my experience?
You mentioned they could get angry…and I agree that is not a risk to take. But I was really asking the woman who had the experience, not hypothetically. And you are smart, esp depending on your profile, to keep you real name discreet
Yeah personally I think the pay pal thing would be a bad idea anyway seems kind of western unionish…why pay before I even meet my date…if the lady is on here just for the cash that just means she has it and isn’t going to show up. I’d rather give half up front as a show of good faith and the rest whenever I’m comfortable she won’t take off for the hills. I mean I’ve heard you ladies on here complaining about the men being cheap and all, but you ladies are just as scandalous at times. I cut communication off with any dates I get on here if they don’t feel like clearing the air of the expectations right off the bat. Sure they’re profile supposedly explains it…but so far i’ve learned its best to be safe and figure out what they are really looking for. If its just about gettin money by all means tell me because I don’t mind as long as the woman is clear and upfront about it. At least that way I don’t have my hopes up if the date goes good. But anyways I’m sure alot of the guys are rude and lie about what they want as well on here and that has you ladies freaked out and being extra cautious. Nothing wrong with that, but don’t expect a guy to send or wire you money trust me it won’t happen unless he’s completely dumb. And in the same case if you don’t get half up front leave lol because it means he’s trying to weasel out of it.
Not before the date. I think you have to read a few comments back we are talking about if a guy stiffs you after you have hung out with him Zorah is suggesting you contact him again after the date and collect it.
I was not clear on how they expected you to collect it without having to spend more time with the person who already ripped you off which I say is dangerous for some women who are naive and/or not the fighter type. So Zorah was saying PayPal was what she had meant to suggest.
I agree with you on that one. I would suggest a gift card from amazon or another type of email-able gift card for the agreed amount. Paypal is not a great method. Besides them having your full name, they can later reverse the payment.
Those are all great ideas. Of course it is best to get paid up front as suggested by Brandon, but the email-able gift card works and keeps things on the up and up for future use of whatsyourprice.com
thusfar on this site,3 possible dates,one neglected to inform me she moved out of province.One other was a webcam girl,and the last flew off to Toronto.Not a lot of success,but live and learn,correct?
Personally I would chalk that experience up to a lesson learned, and just in the future ask for the money up front if they haven’t already offered it. No money then walk away.
I have a good question for this post, it comes at an opportune time. Why do I have a lot of guys accepting my offer, and then never open my email? I write them right back to set up plans or ask them a question. Nothing weird in the subject line.
What is that all about?
Blue, that is a very good question, and I have to say I’ve had some experience with it as well. I’ll address this is more detail, but there are probably a number of things going on and I’d like to hear responses from men and women on why they have failed to follow up or what motivates them to change their mind in the process… There could be many reasons.
Blue, I have also experienced this a lot too, and scratch my head. Did they accept the offer on a whim? Were they drunk? Were there married and changed their minds? Did they get cold feet? Yep I have thought about this a lot. It’s very frustrating because I look forward to going out with the person and then nothing, nada…zilch.
I don’t know because they didn’t even open my email and are still logging in. Does that happen to you? Aren’t they even curious what I wrote? or are they just seeing if a real person responds. Wonder if they think our profiles are a fake and just want to get a response or they are fakes and it’s computer generated by a marketing company to see what prices women will accept. One of these was a guy from out of the country offering $82 we actually went back and forth before we settled than…nothing didn’t even open the email.
That’s what I think. You can’t take it personally.
I think part of the reason that people don’t open the emails is that men need to pay to “unlock communication”, and it is not cheap. I think there are probably many guys on here that are just curious, or lurking, and would love to read the e-mail, but don’t want to pay to read it.
I looked at the real / hidden costs before I even started on this site, and decided whether I wanted to buy the credits before I even posted a profile.
If I get an offer, I will check to make sure I want to accept it before I do actually accept it, but I think for many it’s easier to just accept it, and then look at the profile. If the profile doesn’t look appealing to that person, then the easiest thing to do is to just not unlock the email (hence saving the $$).
Hopefully this email thread makes people aware that accepting an offer and not opening the email is very frustrating for the person making the offer. I am sure that there are many people on here that are just here lurking, or like the idea but aren’t serious enough to follow through.
So far, I have made one offer that has been accepted, and I’m working on setting up a date/time now, and I’m really looking forward to it. No point being here if you don’t have plans to follow through!!
Wait so they have to pay to unlock communications but don’t have to pay to make an offer?
Most likely it’s a real person. This site seems more honest than most sites, but they still lure guys by allowing them to browse and make an offer for free but charging them to accept a date. Since the minimum package is 50 dollars, this gives the casual user pause. Actually, it’s pretty genius because I’m actually considering paying them 50 bucks to unlock the date opportunity so I can pay that person additional money to go on a date. But then I start to feel a little pathetic. Am I seriously going to spend over 100 bucks just to meet someone? I wish they had a 5 or 10 dollar one-time fee you could pay to unlock a single date. I think this would make it an easier decision for a lot of guys who aren’t necessarily looking for 5+ dates.
Yeah, the guys have to PAY just to read the email before they have to PAY to go out with the girl. And the credits on the site aren’t cheap. What the guy pays is based on what the negotiated offer amount was. It’s roughly 10% of that which goes to the site.
Blue,
I think there’s some strange and invisible force that’s causing this. It’s Schopenhauer’s Wille zum Leben, which is a wicked and mysterious force which is at once indifferent, directionless, and illogical. And it’s happening in the other direction too. lol.
Yes I have had that too, I am just as confused as you Blue. Maybe your right they are just seeing if we are for real. It’s hard not to take it personally, cause your investing time and energy into this, then…nothing. I make sure I treat the person with the upmost respect, I respond quickly, I am polite, and I genuinely am looking forward to meeting them, then…nothing.
As a generous male, the most frustrating aspect I’ve had on this site is that I’ll pay to unlock communication with someone, we send a couple of messages to organise something, and then nothing. The girl just disappears. I’ve even had people delete their accounts without a word.
I have been on a date from here, and it was great. I paid by putting the money in a thank you card and giving her the envelope early. There was no discussion about the money, and it made things a lot less awkward than I expected. We’ll be seeing each other again, without my paying her which is nice.
So both positive and negative experiences so far!
I think that is so classy when a guy puts the money in a card. I love that added touch.
Agreed. I remembered hearing about one ‘generous’ member who put the money in a book that he then gave to his date. Depending on the book in question, I’d considerate it a compliment.
What type of book would consider a compliment? What type would be off putting.
Thanks for your input. We are working on new features that will allow generous members the ability to get credits returned to their account (or the ability to cancel an unlocked offer) should a member not read or respond to messages. Your feedback is critical to helping us improve the system, but I am glad to hear you had a good experience.
You seem like just the guy a lady would like to meet, and I’m glad we are introducing new systems that will keep you coming back!
I went to meet this guy, waited for an hour for him to just cancel, reschedule, and cancel again. Seriously? Don’t make people wait just to cancel time and time again.
I have read several post here, Zorah is a man! (Gay man wanting to be a woman, drag queen, whatever) That is that! He resonates no female energy. A real woman is innately more in tune when it comes to danger. Poor advice, very poor!
Just because you cut ears off a dog, does not make it a pussy….
Data, I don’t think Zorah was here to give advice but was merely raising some important questions and take part in a discussion. I am sure men are as capable as women when it comes to experiencing fear and sensing danger, that is not a male female trait, it is inherent of all mammals. I found this thread very interesting., I am new to this so hearing about all of these different experiences, possible scenarios and things to consider, all very helpful.
Thank you Kitty, that is exactly my point.
Oops, typo…
Dara sorry not Data, haha
You should change the “premium” distinction. People shouldn’t get it just for unlocking a date, they should only get it if they actually go on a date, and another member reports that the date actually happened.
Well, let’s see, I’ve been on four dates, and communicated with seven members.
And first, let me say that I understand that money is a key part of the idea of this site, and I’m perfectly cool with that. But like someone else said, if you’re just there for the money, that’s okay, just make it clear. Don’t make up stories and try to lead me on, be honest.
My first two dates seemed to go well but I got the feeling I was just a paycheck – my dates were polite but it was clear that they had decided ahead of time that they weren’t actually planning on giving me a chance at a relationship, or anything else. Which I guess happens when you meet strangers online. So those were a little disappointing, but I had a nice time, though I obviously don’t want every date to go like that. Unfortunately, those were the best dates I’ve had here.
The next two I also had a seemingly nice time with, but when I followed up for a second date, they both started in with sob stories about needing money for some emergency or another. One actually asked me to wire her cash and then set up a date the following weekend, which she stood me up for and yet still asked for money again. (Turns out while I was sitting around like a chump waiting to meet her for our date, she was on vacation with her boyfriend, who she had neglected to mention.)
One of the women I contacted but didn’t meet said she was afraid to meet anyone from online without talking on the phone first – which I totally understand, and I was more than happy to call her. Then she said her phone was shut off and asked me to wire her money to help her turn it back on. When I said I can’t wire money to someone I haven’t met, she stopped talking to me.
Another woman I contacted but didn’t meet let my first offer hit 14 days and expire, then she logged in and winked at me, so I sent the offer again. She accepted within minutes, so I unlocked communication and sent her a message a few minutes later…she never read it, and hasn’t logged in to the site since. It’s been two weeks, so I’m guessing I won’t hear from her.
That leaves one woman I’ve contacted but haven’t had a chance to actually meet up with. I’m trying to remain optimistic, but I’m finding it a little difficult.
Wow, you really have been working at this and you seem like a very nice guy. It does take some effort, and just like any type of dating things can take time. It is good to find out if your dates are open to the possibility of a new relationship, or a long-term one. Just having a great date is probably worth a lot in my book, even if it does not end up being long-term. It is good to keep up your social skills, interacting, being seen out and about, not just with a group of your same-sex friends. Consider it practice and while you are doing it, take a look around and consider what makes a date or couples work. Try some new communication techniques, like lowering your voice, speaking more closely to the person you are on the date with. Touching their arm lightly or complimenting them gently. Look directly into their eyes and make a common connection that leaves the option for friendship open.
Thanks for the advice!
I’ll admit I’m a bit rusty when it comes to dating, and so I do view all these dates as a chance to practice that sort of stuff, which is what I like about this site – I’ve had an easier time getting dates here than anywhere else. And I certainly don’t expect every date to wind up in a long term relationship, or even a one night stand. As long as we both have a nice time, I’m happy with that.
Right now I’d like to find someone who’s not trying to scam me out of money, or who’s not just going to show up for the cash and leave ASAP. Likewise, when I hear things like “I had a great time, I’d definitely like to see you again,” I usually assume that means they’d like a second date, which hasn’t actually been the case with any of the four women who’ve said it.
I haven’t found anyone here yet who is genuine. Maybe the women who want to be taken on price-is-no-object shopping sprees as their first date, there are PLENTY of those here, and they do seem fairly sincere. But that’s not what I’m looking for.
I’ll keep trying, but my optimism is fading. I still think it’s a cool idea for a website, though. Just less than thrilled with the people I’ve met here.
Do women have to pay to sent out messages????
I imagine women have to pay to send messages. If that is the case, I have dated one and actually gotten winked at by the other of the only two locals to me here in Houston who are marked as premium members. Never heard from or bothered with the co-eds.
I’ve mostly spent time rejecting escorts, out-of-towners (I clearly state I don’t travel or pay for others travel) and other riff-raff. I also make it clear that I am not here to baby-sit a grown ass adult, either. Not interested in spoiling someone I don’t know AND who really offers nothing to me…I imagine most 18-year olds aren’t really good for much. I have had a few winks that never came back. I imagine it was having to pay to communicate that was their undoing.